“Your Show Sucks!”
[By Ian Auzenne]
The first time I actually listened to WPRB was the night after my first appearance on (sports talk show) “Time Out”. I was listening via the webstream just to see what was on the air, and I was amazed and astounded by what I heard: Backwards records. Slowed down records. Records being played over each other—some with superb mixing; others not so much. It was a beautiful cacophony, and it was unlike anything I had ever heard.
I walked down to the station and knocked on the door. I wanted to find out who was responsible for awakening my ears.
The DJ who answered the door was a tall, hulking young man who sounded slightly older than he was. I introduced myself and, in fan boy fashion, told him how much I enjoyed what I was hearing. That jock, Adam Flynn ’08, invited me in and let me watch him at work. I was mesmerized.
About an hour later, another hulking man walked in. At first, I though he was Flynn’s father. After I introduced myself, I learned he called himself “Dr. Cosmo”. We spoke for a bit, but then the good doctor went to work, and I remained in my seat spellbound for the rest of the night.
My Friday night trips to the “20th floor of the WPRB Communications Complex” continued for the remainder of my collegiate career. At first, it was to watch these two masters in action. Later, it was to run Dr. Cosmo’s show after he moved to Washington State.
Flynn and I still keep in contact today. Dr. Cosmo—or George, as I later learned to call him—and I remained close until his untimely death in 2011. Those two gentleman opened my eyes and ears to the magic of radio.
Anyone who knew me or worked with me at WPRB knows that I could be a real pain in the ass at times, especially in my younger days. John Larkin ’07 found that out the hard way around Thanksgiving ’06.
Adam Flynn told me that he would be flying home for the holiday and that he needed someone to cover his shift. I volunteered. Flynn said he was cool with the idea as long as John was fine with it.
You see, at the time, I hadn’t gone through DJ training. My experience on the air and in the studio all came via sports programming.
That didn’t stop me from bombarding John with e-mails until he finally relented. In his final e-mail, John said, “As long as you know what you’re doing, you can do it.”
I got to the station around 4:00 on that Black Friday to prep for “Time Out”. When I arrived, no one appeared to be in the studio. I banged on the door for about 10 minutes before the DJ on duty (who shall remain anonymous because, I think, he is still on staff) picked himself off the floor and walked to the door. Apparently, the DJ had performed the night before at a club (or was he clubbing?) and was dead tired. I told him to go home and that I would take over.
And so began “Random Acts of Music” and my disc jockey career.
Fast forward to later that night: The phone in the studio rang several times in quick succession.
First call:
Me: “Good evening, WPRB.”
Caller: “Your show sucks!”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your. Show. Sucks!”
Me: “Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate your listenership and . . .”
Caller (cutting me off): “Fuck you!” <click>
Second call (20 minutes after the first):
Me: “Good evening, WPRB.”
Caller: “Ian, it’s Dr. Cosmo. I don’t think I’m going to make it in time for the show. Can you hold the fort for me.”
Me: “Sure thing, Doc!”
Caller: “Thanks, man! I appreciate it.”
Third call (15 minutes after the last):
Me: “Good evening, WPRB.”
Caller: “Ian, it’s Stephanie! I called earlier.”
Me: “Yeah! I remember you! What’s up?”
Caller: “Well, I heard you on the air again, and I wanted to call and say . . .
Me: “Uh huh.”
Caller: (in sultry voice): “I want to fuck you, Ian.”
Me: “Say wha-?!”
Caller (again, in sultry voice): “I. Want. To. Fuck. You. Now!”
Me (after silence): Uhhhh. I have to run! <click>
Fourth call (15 minutes after being propositioned)
Me: “Good evening, WPRB.”
Caller: “Ian, it’s Dr. Cosmo. I don’t think I’m going to make it at all. Can you run until midnight and shut down the station?”
Me: “Yessir!”
Caller: “Thank, bud!”
I wound up staying on the air until 1:37 a.m. After nine hours on the air and a setlist that made Jon Solomon cringe (and, even now, I cringe when I look at that inaugural playlist), my maiden music radio voyage was over.
The summer of 2007 stands out in several different respects. First, Michael vanLandingham did a fantastic job in organizing and putting together the very first WPRB Membership Drive. Secondly, I got to work with and get to know Maria T., Julia Factorial, Jon Solomon, and a number of the trustees. But what stands out the most about that summer is restarting the news department.
Until then, the news department had been dormant for 20 or so years. We put the wheels in motion by starting “The Week in Review”, a weekly half-hour news and commentary round-up. DJ Readie Righteous and I hosted the show for the first few years, and she became solo host after my graduation.
That fall, though, Sebastian Jones came into the fold and made the news department a viable entity in WPRB. His production and reporting skills were second to none, and his programs “Discourse” and “The Dispatch” proved that news had a home on WPRB’s airwaves. Furthermore, his recruiting people into the news department made sure that it would survive after he left.
Sebastian, Nikki Leon, and the news directors that followed them have done a great job in making sure that the news department has thrived and continue to grow not only on air and online, but also in print following the Nassau Weekly acquisition.
One of my favorite calls from my time at WPRB came in 2008. This is the final play of the that year’s Yale/Princeton football game (Yale won 14-0). Brian Anderson was the quarterback. The Princeton and Yale sports information directors were sitting directly below me in the press box. Both looked up, smirked, and shook their heads after hearing the call. Here is audio of that call:
-Ian Auzenne ’10